A Codependent Mind

S8 - Chapter 8: Curiosity

In this episode, we explore curiosity as both a universal instinct and a vital relationship tool. Brian  reflects on how childhood fear and threat-responses suppressed his natural curiosity, leaving him passive and disengaged in past relationships. Instead of genuine inquiry, his “curiosity-like” behaviors were rooted in anxiety, compliance, and performance. In contrast, healthy curiosity—as modelled by Stephanie early in their relationship—has proven transformative, deepening connection, sparking self-discovery, and reinforcing intimacy. By learning and relearning to ask questions and explore emotions, Brian has found that curiosity not only nurtures passion and understanding but also strengthens the shared “Us,” creating a feedback loop of connection, adaptability, and joy.
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S8 - Chapter 9: Communication

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In this chapter, we explore communication as an essential tool that makes all other relationship tools work. We emphasize outcomes over technique; that is, clarity, connection and a stronger sense of partnership. Brian contrasts destructive communication patterns in his past relationship with J—which was marked by avoidance, appeasement, control, dishonesty, and miscommunication—with the healthier dynamic the he experiences with Stephanie, where the goal is mutual understanding rather than power or emotional management. We aim to reframe communication as an intentional act that couples must practice together, not to “win” or avoid conflict, but to deepen connection, strengthen the “Us,” and build a secure, loving partnership.
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S8 - Chapter 10: Conflict

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In this chapter, we explore conflict as an inevitable and essential part of any healthy relationship between two distinct individuals. While often viewed as threatening or destructive, conflict—when approached constructively—can serve as a powerful tool for learning, connection, and growth, much like the scientific method that refines understanding through testing and revision. Brian discusses his lifelong fear of conflict, rooted in a childhood marked by anger, shame, and emotional immaturity, and how those early lessons led to patterns of avoidance, people-pleasing, and self-betrayal in adulthood. He distinguishes conflict from abuse, noting that when conflict becomes a weapon of control, it ceases to serve any productive purpose. Through his relationship with Stephanie, however, Brian has learned to reframe conflict from something to escape into something to engage with—using honesty, empathy, and curiosity to transform it into a shared learning process. 
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S8 - Chapter 11: Caretaking

In this episode, Brian discusses how for much of his life, he used the natural impulse to care for others destructively. His caretaking was largely driven by fear, shame, and a need to feel safe and valued.  In his relationship with Stephanie, he had to relearn what real caretaking meant—how to receive care without shame and to give it from a place of empathy instead of obligation or fear. 
The paperback, e-book and audiobook are all now available  - https://www.codependentmind.com/
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S8 - Chapter 12: Sex

In this chapter, Chapter Twelve we explore sex as a relational tool rather than a moral or performative act, emphasizing its capacity to foster connection, safety, and intimacy . For much of his life, Brian’s experiences with sex were shaped by shame, fear, and performance anxiety, mirroring his broader relational struggles with powerlessness and disconnection. Early relationships reinforced these wounds, turning sex into an arena for proving worth rather than sharing intimacy. His relationship with Stephanie marked a turning point—through genuine desire, emotional safety, and open communication, sex became a space for healing rather than performance. 
The paperback, e-book and audiobook are all now available  - https://www.codependentmind.com/
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S8 - Chapter 13: Money

In this chapter we discuss how the ways in which the use of money to meet emotional or interpersonal needs can cause shame, dependency, and destructive patterns. Learning to separate financial needs from emotional ones has allowed Brian to build a healthier partnership where money.
 
The paperback, e-book and audiobook are all now available  - https://www.codependentmind.com/
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S8 - Chapter 14: Gratitude

We end the book, and this season, with a discussion of gratitude. This chapter and the first chapter of the book will remain available on the podcast indefinitely. The rest of the chapters will be removed. The audiobook is available on most audio platforms and from our website. The paperback and the eBook is available on Amazon.
https://www.codependentmind.com/
Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and the book. It helps others find us. 
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