A Codependent Mind

S6 - The Book: Final Thoughts

Brian and Stephanie discuss what they learned in writing the book including the role of Brian's mother, the similarities between narcissism and codependency, the power of re-writing stories and the intrangency of the codependent habits. 
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
Thank you for listening, reading and reviewing!

S7 - Relationship Tool #1: Lean Start Methodology

In Season 7, we return to the theme of Season 4 with episodes that focus on relationships. What are some of the tools, concepts and practices that we feel keep our connection strong and loving? In this episode, we discuss a tool that is not generally applied to relationships - the Lean Startup Methodology (https://theleanstartup.com/principles). People with codependent habits often get in to relationships very quickly and then spend an enormous amount of time and energy 'making the relationship work.' Applying Lean Startup encourages us to redirect that energy into answering the question - 'should this relationship exist?' We discuss how to start your relationships in a Lean way and how we use the methodology in our lives.
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
00:04:03 The Lean Startup Methodology00:08:41 Minimum Viable Products00:11:49 Starting a relationship Lean00:15:44 Dating Lean00:19:55 Using Lean Startup to make life decisions
Thank you for listening!
 

S7 - Relationship Tool #2: Empathy

Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships. In this episode we discuss the role of empathy in our relationship, Brian's experience with empathetic woundedness and how he overcame them. 
00:00:37 What are we calling 'empathy'00:01:46 The empathetic system00:05:12 Empathy and interpersonal disorders00:09:33 Empathetic system malfunctions00:17:43 Empathy as a relationship tool00:21:50 Empathetic responsiveness
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 

S7 - Relationship Tool #3: The Work

Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in the to the context of their relationship. 
In this episode:
00:01:56 Relationship Work in Childhood00:06:53 Conscious Attachment - Autonomy and Mutuality00:13:14 Mutuality00:17:25 Categories of Relationship Work
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 
Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 
Email: codependentmind@gmail.com

S7 - Relationship Tool #4: Curiosity

Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss  the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassociation. By recognizing these patterns, he has learned to shift from a defensive posture to an active pursuit of knowledge and emotional exploration which has been critical for our relationship.
In this episode:
00:01:44 What is Curiosity and Where Does it Come From?00:11:14 Curiosity and Trauma00:16:34 What Does Curiosity Feel Like00:21:58 Curiosity in Romantic RelationshipsSeason 4 - #1 Codependency and Relationships: Intimacy (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6b19fbb8/s4-1-codependency-and-relationships-intimacy)
Season 4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us)
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 
Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 
Email: codependentmind@gmail.com
 
 

S7 - Relationship Tool #5: Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness

In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to tools in Brian's relationship toolbox. He learned how to use them very early in childhood in order to neutralize relationship threats. As an adult, however, they have not served him well and using them in our relationship caused a lot of damage. 
Mentioned in this episode:
Season 4, episode 4: Trust (https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6db6d080/s4-4-codependency-and-relationships-trust)
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
00:02:46 Lying as a Core Codependent Behavior00:04:55 Lying in Childhood00:10:10 Narcissistic Lying vs Codependent Lying00:12:30 Lying in Toxic Relationships00:19:14 Lying, Resentment and Defensiveness in our Relationship00:29:28 Relationship WorkThank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps other find us. You can reach us at: codependentmind.com
 
 

S7 - Relationship Toolkit #6: Detective Work

Building on the last episode's discussion of lying, we talk about how to act less like a lawyer and more like a detective when trying to answer the question "am I being codependent?"
00:00:28 Am I Being Codependent?00:04:49 Inner Lawyers00:09:58 Codependency Detective Work00:12:00 A Case Study00:21:42 Evidence for Codependency00:29:06 Case Study #2
Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us. You can reach us at: codependentmind.com

S7 - Relationship Toolkit #7: Truth

If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively. 
Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us. 
Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
00:04:09 Lying vs Truth Telling00:08:39 What is Truth00:11:07 'Telling it like it is'00:14:45 Full Disclosure00:16:49 How and When - Motivation and EffectYou can reach us at: codependentmind.com

S7 - Relationship Toolkit #8: Self Knowledge

In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions. 
00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge00:09:32 Consequences and shame00:12:11 Shame relief00:15:05 The codependency framework00:20:15 Asking questions
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.
 

S7 - Relationship Toolkit #9: Boundaries

Boundaries are an expression of the distinction between me and you. Understanding and respecting that distinction is critical when setting up a relationship structure that will be stable and supportive for both people in the long run. For those of us who experienced relational trauma as children, developing an understanding of ourselves as separate, autonomous beings can be compromised right from the start. Codependency, borderline personality disorder, narcissism, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, dependency, all involve a struggle to acknowledge and respect personal boundaries. In this episode, we review we review the concept of boundaries, understanding it as a stand-in for self-protection and self-respect. We then go on to discuss how to use the metaphor of boundaries to create a relationship in which both parties are respected and protected. 
Mentioned in this episode:
S3 - #1 Beyond Codependency - Boundaries https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6d942938/s3-1-beyond-codependency-boundaries
S4 -#13 Codependency and Relationships: You, Me, Us https://www.codependentmind.com/podcast-episodes/episode/6e1bf1f4/s4-13-codependency-and-relationships-you-me-us
No Man is an Island - John Donne
 
00:01:56 The Metaphor of Boundaries00:06:34 Protecting Boundaries00:09:20 Respecting Boundaries00:21:52 Entitlement00:25:25 Boundaries in Relationship00:38:22 Examples of Relationship Boundaries
You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com
Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1
The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify (https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP) and other platforms. 
Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast.